


Scars and Souvenirs

by katlynwtf



Category: Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Genre: Angst, Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 10:35:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12862722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katlynwtf/pseuds/katlynwtf
Summary: Various Naruto characters/Reader angst dumping ground.





	Scars and Souvenirs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn't want to be sitting in the Hokage's office, but there was something that you had to say.

You woke to the bed shifting, a warm weight wrapping around your waist and pulling you back before you could roll over to face the intruder. Familiar, calloused fingers slipped between yours the same instant his lips pressed to the back of your head, and you let yourself relax into his hold. 

Genma.

"Finally," you mumbled, letting slip a relieved sigh as he wrapped himself around you, pressing as close as he possibly could. Even through the layers of clothes separating you, you could feel the thick bandages wrapped around various parts of his body. "You're hurt?"

"Few bumps and bruises, nothing major," he reassured you, kissing your head again. "Sorry I'm late, you wouldn't believe the traffic. Five carriage pile-up, right on my path home from Iwa. It was nuts." You couldn't help but scoff at the obvious lie, but didn't bother to call him out on it, too happy to have him home. You could let this one slide - you were sure he had a good reason.

"I missed you," you sighed, closing your eyes and lifting his hand to your mouth, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," Genma murmured as you slowly drifted back to sleep in his arms. "I love you, (Y/N)."

As he always was, he was gone when you woke in the morning. You kept your eyes closed, unable to tear yourself from the warm cocoon of blankets and face the day just yet.

The sun was high in the sky before you could convince yourself to get out of bed, to dress in your warm winter clothes, to walk through the foot of snow that had fallen throughout the night to the Hokage's office on the other side of the village. It took even longer to convince yourself to go further than the lobby, to allow the Hokage's adviser to knock on the door and announce your presence.

Then you were sitting across the desk from him, wiping your sweaty palms on your dress, heart racing nervously in your chest and gaze locked on a deep scratch in the dark wood. Now that you were here, you didn't know if you could do this - even just sitting here left you feeling sick to your stomach.

You didn't want to be here, but there was something that you had to say.

"You know, there's a dream," you said, finally looking up at the Hokage, who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I think everyone who's gone through this has it at some point, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  _The_  dream." You took a shuddering breath, looking down again. He didn’t say anything - and what could he say? There was absolutely nothing he could offer you, absolutely nothing he could say that would fix this.

This... this was beyond fixing. You were beyond fixing.

"I have it every night," you continued, your voice breaking as you closed your eyes, desperately fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. You didn't know how you had any tears left. "He crawls into bed in the middle of the night, a little worse for wear but alive, and apologizes for being late. Makes up some half-assed excuse about a carriage accident, tells me he loves me. And for just a little while, I get to remember what it feels like to have him hold me." 

Your fists clenched around the arms of the chair, but the pain of them digging into your palms was nothing compared to the profound, excruciating  _ache_  of despair and grief that had made its home in your chest. Still, he said nothing.

"There's usually this moment when I wake up, where I forget it's just a dream. And then I'll roll over and the sheets are cold, the bed on his side still made, just the way he left it, and I... I just forget how to breathe.” Your voice broke once more, hands beginning to tremble. “It's a natural thing, breathing, an involuntary reflex, but my body just stops doing it until my lungs are burning and I feel like I'm going to die and I have to  _force myself_  to inhale. It makes no sense.  _None_  of this makes sense."

"(Y/N)-chan, I understand what you're going through," the Hokage replied quietly, drawing your gaze back up to him. He pushed a box of tissues across the desk as your shoulders shook with a choked sob, but your tears didn't spill over. You wouldn't let them. "I can refer you to someone. Since the war we have an excellent counseling program-"

"I came to you because I want answers," you interrupted, burning eyes narrowing. "I wanted you to understand what I'm going through so you wouldn't try to feed me any of that 'it's classified' bullshit, and now I want to know what happened. I  _need_  to. I need to understand. Tell me why I went from wife to widow, Hokage-sama." Your hand dropped below the edge of the table, the small motion drawing his gaze to the large swell of your belly where your hand now rested. "Tell me why my baby will grow up without a father."

"(Y/N)-chan..." He heaved a sigh, leaning forward and planting his elbows on the desk, lacing his fingers and resting his chin atop them. "You're a civilian. Are you sure you want to know this?"

"I knew what I was signing up for when I married him," you answered, struggling now to keep your voice level when you felt your baby kick. "I'm well aware of what can happen to shinobi. Tell me."

And so he told you everything - every minute, bloody detail of Genma's teammate's operative report, from the moment of capture to his teammate's decision to leave him behind. He paused occasionally to make sure you wanted him to continue when you covered your hand with your mouth, looking sick, but you had asked, and you wanted to know.

You  _needed_  to know. You needed to know how a shinobi of Genma's caliber died on what was supposed to be a simple escort mission to a foreign country, and you weren't going to leave this chair until you understood how it had happened.

By the time the Hokage finished detailing the second operative report from the investigative mission, you were no longer able to hold back your tears, eyes closed and hand still over your mouth. You could feel the cool metal of your wedding ring against your lower lip, a reminder of the vows you had taken before gods and man - 'til death do us part.'

You had never expected to part so soon.

"I can't thank you for this," you mumbled, breath catching in your throat as you stood up, covering your belly protectively with both hands. "I- I can't. I won't."

"I wouldn't expect you to," he replied, standing as well and walking around the desk, reaching out to hesitantly cover your hands with his. "I'm so sorry for your loss. If you ever need anything..."

"I don't need anything from you," you choked out, shaking off his hands and stepping back, needing to put as much space between you and this room, this man, as you possibly could. "Goodbye, Hokage-sama."

You turned and walked out, flinching when the door swung shut behind you. You had expected to feel some semblance of... something, peace perhaps, knowing what happened, but all you felt was the same pain that had been burning a hole in your chest for the last sixty-one days, thirteen hours, twelve minutes, and seventeen seconds since the Hokage had first darkened your doorstep with the news.

On that day, your world had shattered, had fallen to pieces around you in an instant, the future you had once dreamed of buried six feet below the frozen earth with your dead husband.

On that day, you had wished that you had died, too.

But then your baby had kicked against your hand, harder than he ever had before, reminding you that you had something to live for.

Reminding you that while Genma might be gone, a part of him still existed in this world, and you had to find a way to survive without him.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Naruto and all recognizable characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.


End file.
